For Mothers Of
A child with an eating disorder
This place is for you to heal and to reconnect with yourself.
From there you can be the safe place for your your child to heal.
Self Compassion - Self Care - Self Love
Guidance for mothers of
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As the mother of a daughter who suffered from anorexia between the ages of 12 and 18, I can imagine better than anyone what an enormous impact an eating disorder has on everything and everyone in the family.
The longer the situation lasts, the more the eating disorder takes hold of your child, but also of you and the other family members. Moments that were once nice, such as eating together, going on vacation, family visits, doing fun things; they all change. It felt to me as if I couldn't relax anywhere anymore. As if I were no longer really safe anywhere.
My background as a psychologist and a yoga teacher, specialized in chronic stress and trauma, gave a great advantage in this horrendous period. By being my own inner therapist, I kept myself going. Much later in the process, I also developed a loving inner parent. That's when the true healing journey began, which I'm still on, even now that my daughter has recovered.
What makes it so hard?
I have asked this question to many mothers and by far the number 1 cause is the enormous fear of losing your child. Add to that the powerlessness, and all the feelings that result from that; deep sadness, but also anger, moments of panic, resistance and incomprehension. Our child doesn't have the capacity to think of anything else, and after a while we cannot either. Our child seeks control and security through the eating disorder and we seek control by focusing our attention on our child. We tend to lose sight of ourselves.
Is it any wonder that you are completely exhausted......
It's not, let me tell you. Our nervous system is not made for long-term, chronic stress. And an eating disorder requires a very very long breath. If the nervous system is in survival mode for too long, we will inevitably suffer from it.
What makes it even harder for many mothers is that they've often already been through a lot in life. The eating disorder isn't the first challenge. For most of us, a lot has happened. Often, since childhood. It's stress upon stress upon stress.
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What I can help you with
I can help you with reconnecting with yourself, understanding yourself and taking care of yourself. So your nervous system becomes more regulated and you become more balanced. So you are capable of running this marathon even though you're wounded. Fully recovering requires something different for everyone, depending on previous life events and your current resilience. I can guide you in that proces.
I can tell you one thing, when your nervous system relaxes, the nervous systems of the people around you, including your child's nervous system, will also relax more easily. That is called co-regulation. The by-catch, when you start taking care of yourself again. We cannot pour from an empty cup!
Coaching
During the first session, most mothers feel the need to tell the story about their child and the eating disorder. That's important. I listen deeply; everything needs to be heard. We'll go further depending on your needs. I can also help you clarify those needs. This can be particularly difficult if you've lost yourself along the way. Sometimes, just telling the story is enough, and we'll limit it to one session.
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Online Training
The online training helps you as a mother to better deal with the chronic stress that results from having a child with an eating disorder.
You probably already try very hard to find relaxation, but you notice that the tension remains. And that you are more surviving instead of living.
Retreat
The Retreat for 'Mothers of' is specially developed for mothers of a child with an eating disorder. This retreat is all about you. You have already given so much to help your child. You invest almost all of your energy, your love, your attention. You feel torn because you may have more children, a relationship, a job, a life of your own.
My Story
In the podcast 'From addiction to freedom', by René van Collem (the former drummer of Doe Maar and experienced professional), I share my experience as a mother of a child who could no longer keep her head above water.
It is a vulnerable and raw, but also a loving and above all hopeful story. I recorded the podcast in consultation with my daughter, because I usually talk mainly about the eating disorder and not so explicitly about the drug addiction that resulted from it.
With her consent and with the words 'you can definitely share it because I am proud of my recovery story' I started a conversation with René. In the belief that telling vulnerable and essential stories gives hope and inspiration, I share it with you here.
The podcast is recorded in Dutch but is available with subtitles.
My Story
I'm currently writing a book. A book for you, dear 'mother of'!
With great love and expertise, I am working on a guide that can guide you towards greater inner peace and resilience during this arduous journey.
I expect the book to be ready to read in the spring of 2026. I hope it will also be possible to translate the book into English, I'm going for it!
* Book cover is not yet final.
