For Mothers Of
A child with an eating disorder
This place is about you, not about your child, not about the eating disorder, but just about you.
In this place you can learn to recharge and recover, and learn to live instead of survive.
Self Care - Self Compassion - Self Love
Guidance for mothers of
_edited_edited.png)
As the mother of a daughter who suffered from anorexia between the ages of 12 and 18, I can relate to anyone in what an enormous impact an eating disorder has on everything and everyone in the family.
The longer the situation lasts, the more the eating disorder takes hold of your child, but also of you and the other family members. Moments that were once nice, such as eating together, going on vacation, family visits, doing fun things; they all change. It felt to me as if I couldn't (wasn't allowed to) relax anywhere anymore. As if I were no longer really safe anywhere.
The only great advantage I think I had, was my background as a psychologist and a yoga teacher, specialized in chronic stress and trauma. I often pretended to be my own client and in that way I could help myself to experience my life more valuable, no matter how difficult it was.
What makes it so hard?
I have asked this question to many mothers and by far the number 1 cause is the enormous fear of losing your child. Add to that the powerlessness, and all the feelings that result from that; deep sadness, but also anger, moments of panic, resistance and incomprehension. Our child doesn't have the capacity to think of anything else, and after a while we cannot either. Our child seeks control and security through the eating disorder and we seek control by focusing our attention on our child. We tend to lose sight of ourselves.
Is it any wonder that you are completely exhausted......
It's not crazy, let me tell you. Our nervous system is not made for long-term, chronic stress. And an eating disorder requires a long breath. If the nervous system is in survival mode for too long, we will inevitably suffer from it. How that manifests itself is very personal, I mainly suffered from physical complaints such as stiff and painful shoulders, a lot of migraines, difficulty falling asleep, intestinal problems. And I experienced more difficulty with work, I could not concentrate well, lost overview, made a lot of spelling mistakes, forgot appointments. I was even unable to work for a while. All signs that I was surviving for too long.
What I can help you with
In short, I can help you take better care of yourself, allowing your nervous system to regulate and you to experience life as valuable again, despite the intense situation.
In the coaching trajectories and programs that I offer, it is not about your child or the eating disorder, it is about you. About your desires, about your resources (both within yourself and outside yourself) and about being able to use your inner strength for yourself in the first place.
And I can tell you one thing, when your nervous system relaxes, the nervous systems of the people around you, including your child's nervous system, will also relax more easily. That is called co-regulation. The by-catch, when you start taking care of yourself again. We cannot pour from an empty cup!
Coaching
In an individual coaching trajectory, we first take the time to take stock; how are you doing at the moment on every level? How are you doing physically, emotionally, mentally? How much energy do you have at your disposal? Do you experience meaning? Can you work? Are you satisfied with your behavior?
​
Online Training
The online training helps you as a mother to better deal with the chronic stress that results from having a child with an eating disorder.
You probably already try very hard to find relaxation, but you notice that the tension remains. And that you are more surviving instead of living.
Retreat
The Retreat for 'Mothers of' is specially developed for mothers of a child with an eating disorder. This retreat is all about you. You have already given so much to help your child. You invest almost all of your energy, your love, your attention. You feel torn because you may have more children, a relationship, a job, a life of your own.
My Story
In the podcast 'From addiction to freedom', by René van Collem (the former drummer of Doe Maar and experienced professional), I share my experience as a mother of a child who could no longer keep her head above water.
It is a vulnerable and raw, but also a loving and above all hopeful story. I recorded the podcast in consultation with my daughter, because I usually talk mainly about the eating disorder and not so explicitly about the drug addiction that resulted from it.
With her consent and with the words 'you can definitely share it because I am proud of my recovery story' I started a conversation with René. In the belief that telling vulnerable and essential stories gives hope and inspiration, I share it with you here.
The podcast is recorded in Dutch but is available with subtitles.
